Want a husband? Come to Tanzania

Continuation from the previous post.

Sam parted ways with Ingrid and Julia when we were near our house. Ana and I decided to go buy some food instead of going home. We found the closest street vendor that sold fries and eggs. We discovered that this omelette with fries dish is called chips mayai (egg fries). I ordered one and Ana just ordered fries, which she ended up regretting. They heat the fries in a pan with oil before pouring in two beaten eggs. They top it with a coleslaw and hot sauce. It’s delicious. From that Saturday till now, Ana and I have gone out and bought it four times.

Photo from Annie Wang-2
Delicious chips mayai, my new favourite food.


While we were waiting for our food to be cooked, a random man came up and started chatting with us (this happens quite often here when you’re a foreigner). His english was surprisingly good. He invited us for some beers in the restaurant across the chip stand. Ana was going to say no but I said sure why not. It’s in a public place, what could happen. We carried our food over to the restaurant which had an outdoor patio. The man who invited us was having a beer with his younger cousin. The third and youngest cousin showed up a few minutes after.

We find out that the middle cousin is apparently “internet famous”. He’s a safari tour guide who is also a comedian (whether professional or not I have no idea). He makes these videos for his friends in which he interviews tourists and translates what they say into swahili. But he translates it complete wrong. The tourist would say something good about Tanzania, and he would translate it into something offensive. One of these videos for some reason went “viral”. Someone saw the video and reported him to the authorities. And now the government is trying to get him arrested. Wohoo, we met our first celebrity.

Screen Shot 2017-05-19 at 8.34.39 PM
You can find the video by looking up “fake translator” on Youtube.

Anyway, five minutes into the conversation, Simon says he’s single and looking for a wife. He takes an interest in Ana, saying he wants to marry her and will bring her family cows. It’s a Masai tradition for the man to give the woman’s family cows as dowry. Simon said he would bring three cows to Brazil, I said no less than twenty. Ana wasn’t happy, she wanted a hundred.
The cousins bought us beers, I had one and Ana had three. The two most popular beers here are the Kilimanjaro and the Safari (can these names get anymore Tanzanian). It was a nice change to have someone treat us instead of asking us for money.
Awkward side story, on my third day of school, that weird french teacher asked me for money.
I said no.
He hasn’t talked to me since.

The cousins, especially the older and middle one, were very friendly. The youngest was the shy one. They kept saying, oh we will bring you to this place, I will introduce you to my family (ok there), I have this friend I want you to meet, I would let you homestay in my house for free, blah blah blah. They were pretty desperate for a wife. A foreign wife.

They asked us what we were doing that night (it was already 6pm). We told them we were going to the club Pinpoint. The cousins proceeded to tell us that Pinpoint is a prostitute place. They convinced us to go to another club, we were all going to meet there later on. Keep in mind the youngest is at least thirty, with the oldest one being at least forty.

We ended up going to Pinpoint with the rest of the volunteers and our coordinators. Turns out, pinpoint is not a prostitute club. Can’t trust anyone here.

The club was a lot of fun, we paid a 7000 entrance fee which included two beers. We got there at around 10pm but the club only started getting busy at around 12am. I was too exhausted to drink. I only had a beer and danced a bit. By 1:30am I was exhausted, I had to sit down to take a break. Ana, Julia and our coordinators were having a blast. The coordinators were so drunk, they each had a small bottle of konyaki (Tanzanian liquor).

Sitting down at a club is not a good idea, especially when you’re a foreigner. Guys started coming up to me trying to chat. Because the music was so loud, they had to shout in my ear and stand really close to me. I pretended I couldn’t hear them and they went away.

We left the club at 2am by motorcycle taxi. The gate was locked when we came home so Ana had to climb over the fence, drunk. We knocked on Maria’s window and she had to come unlock the door for us. It was such a long day, I was happy to be finally in bed.


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